It’s time for the NFL Combine yet again. The glorious weekend where mostly developed, marginally educated football players descend upon Indianapolis, Indiana and do random drills in Under Armour spandex all day for sulking old men.
The NFL Combine, for some reason, takes place in Indianapolis, Indiana every year. Indiana is a place famous for Larry Bird, Butler, Bob Knight, Hoosiers and Reggie Miller. So, obviously the NFL Combine must take place every year in a state with so much basketball heritage.
This event has seven physical activities, some interviews and a Wonderlic test that gives people like Vince Young (Who scored 6 out of 50) fits.
“The ninth month of the year is: A) March. B) September. C) June. D) October.”
[Vince Young turns to the test-giver] “Are there really nine months? Damn, I bet this is a trick question.”
Other than getting rid of this test that clearly has no effect on the success of certain players, I’ve thought of some other ways to make the NFL Combine more entertaining:
- Firstly, get rid of the Broad Jump. When is an NFL player ever going to stop suddenly and jump as far they can? Never, that’s when. OH HOT DAMN Russell Wilson did a 10 foot broad jump. That explains why he wasn’t picked until the 3rd Round.
- Since the Combine insists on being in Indianapolis, competitors must eat St. Elmo’s Shrimp cocktail with no water.
- The Wipeout Balls.
- All 40-yard dash times should be done individually then repeated against someone in a similar position. Wouldn’t a 350 pound offensive tackle racing another 345 pound offensive tackle make them both try and go faster? It would create intrigue.
- No drug test. Ever. If you can stand up straight, you can play.
- Egg Toss
- Cup Stacking
- The kickers and punters must arm wrestle the offensive and defensive linemen. It’ll be mostly a slaughtering of feeble white kids with wiry builds but the one time that a kicker wins will be an internet sensation and ultimate bragging rights until the end of time.
- Do this, if you can’t, go play in Canada or something: