Shield Your Eyes For FIU’s Football Team

Remember when you were a kid and the beach was fun and carefree? If you ever wanted to change, your mom would hold up a towel to shield the world, or you would go into a bathroom like a normal person. FIU’s football team apparently still lives by this notion of juvenile freedom and decided that the world is theirs and they can horrify the peaceful beach-goers of Crandon Park Beach with their lewd behavior. And this is before they horrify Florida residents with their lewd behavior on the field this season.

The following statement was issued today by Florida International Head Football Coach Ron Turner:

Early this morning, our football team had a workout and barbecue on Crandon Park Beach to conclude our summer conditioning program under the supervision of our strength and conditioning staff. Following the workout, some of our athletes went to rinse off at a designated public shower area and a few of them made a poor decision and changed their clothes in public. I want to apologize to the community and anyone who was at the beach this morning for this unfortunate incident. We are committed to helping our student athletes grow as gentlemen while preparing them for their careers. We are looking into this incident, and if appropriate, will take disciplinary action.

Ron Turner
Head Football Coach

No charges have been filed against any FIU players, who apparently still think that they are 2 years old and can just change wherever they want.

This article also appears on Crystal Ball Run


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